Make sure your brand name (Alexis Couture) isn’t the same name as a drag queen and a P0RN STAR.

Oh dear God! My favorite sexy blonde housewife, Alexis Bellino (aka “Jesus Barbie”) of Bravo TV’s Real Housewives of Orange County, has made the ultimate naming sin – according to my research on Boobpedia and Power Diva Productions, her new clothing line, “Alexis Couture” is the same name as a BBW adult entertainment actress and a Detroit drag queen (who by the way has held the title of “Miss Malebox.”) Talk about a name that sucks! WWJD? (For all of you heathens out there, WWJD stands for “What Would Jesus Do?”)

Naming Tip #1: Alexis, sometimes it’s okay to share brand names (e.g. Ford Explorer & Internet Explorer, Ace Hardware & Ace Bandages) but as a devout Christian, you shouldn’t be associated with brands that God forbid get confused with yours.

Naming Tip #2: When you are naming a business, make sure to do a Google check first and of course use a trademark attorney to cover your assets. (Page 1 Google results revealed the drag queen Alexis Couture, pictured here. I had to go a little deeper to find Alexis Couture the p0rn star.)

Naming Tip #3: Don’t do it yourself – hire a naming agency run by your superfan. Honestly Alexis, if you need a new name, the stylish women of my naming agency, Eat My Words, would love to help you… I personally am a diehard fan of the show – and I love your couture designs – with and without the sleeves chopped off.

Naming Tip #4: If you are crowd-sourcing your logo with a design contest, make sure whatever you are naming your business is “free and clear” before you have your identity designed. All of those poor designers are spending hours doing work that will never be selected (unless you dare to use that name, which I think is a massive mistake considering it would tarnish your good name and squeaky-clean reputation). You’re better off hiring a professional identity designer any way. You wouldn’t want to crowd source a dress design? Think of a professional designer as “couture” logo design.

Regardless of if you hire us to name your business, do yourself a favor and run your new name through the free Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test (as featured in The Wall Street Journal).

Best of luck to you!
Your superfan, Alexandra Watkins
Chief Innovation Officer
Eat My Words

Not a good Valentine’s Day gift: Fat Pig Chocolate

Unless you want to break up with her, this is not a good gift…

Would you want to work in the “Harry Baals” building?

A former Indiana mayor who won four terms in the 1930s and 1950s is proving less popular with modern-day city leaders, who say they probably won’t name a new government center for him because of the jokes his moniker could inspire.

Harry Baals is the runaway favorite in online voting to name the new building in Fort Wayne, about 120 miles northeast of Indianapolis. But Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy said that probably won’t be enough to put the name of the city’s longest-tenured mayor on the center.

The issue is pronunciation. The former mayor pronounced his last name “balls.”

Supporters said it’s unfair that the former mayor can’t be recognized simply because his name makes some people snicker. But opponents fear that naming the center after Baals would make Fort Wayne the target of late-night television jokes.

“We realize that while Harry Baals was a respected mayor, not everyone outside of Fort Wayne will know that,” Malloy said Tuesday in a statement to The Associated Press. “We wanted to pick something that would reflect our pride in our community beyond the boundaries of Fort Wayne.”

An online site taking suggestions for names showed more than 1,000 votes Tuesday for the Harry Baals Government Center. That’s more than three times the votes received by the closest contender.

What do you think? Would you scratch Harry Baals?

Announcing the worst brand name of 2010…

Putting the “wow” in bad spelling and impossible pronunciation, is Shwowp, Eat My Words’ Head Scratcher of the Year Winner for the worst brand name of 2010.

It was a heated competition with other contenders including Retardex Toothpaste (need we say more), Morongo Casino (where ‘morons go’ to gamble?), and iSwipe (say it out loud). But after many sleepless nights, cupcake bribes and consulting with the show’s producers, the hands-down winner was Shwowp.

Shwoop (oops, Shwowp), is actually a cool service – it helps shwowppers get a grip on their online shwowpping history. (Something that we here at Eat My Words need to help manage our shoe shwowpping obsession.) We suspect this name was the result of a drunken Scrabble game.

TIP: Just because a domain name is available on GoDaddy for $9.95 does not mean that is what you should name your company.

Showop (oops, we did it again) is ridiculously hard to spell and pronounced differently by everyone we asked. Check out our Google search results when we tried to find it under “Shwoop”…
Did you mean: shoop
Did you mean: shop
Showing results for shooby doo wop
Showing results for shoo wop. Search instead for showowop
Showing results for shwowp. Search instead for showowp

Finally! After all that guesswork and brain wracking we were too exhausted to continue. This name not only makes our head spin, it severely violates the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test:

SMILE - the 5 qualities of a powerful name
Simple – easy-to-understand – No
Meaningful – customers “get it” – No, they get a headache
Imagery – creates a mental picture – Not a good one
Legs – wordplay opportunities – No, total dead end
Emotional – entertains, engages, etc. – No, “enrages” is not an emotion you want to evoke, especially from Eat My Words

SCRATCH it off the list if it has any of these 7 deal-breakers
Spelling-challenged – Absolutely!
Copycat – similar to competitor’s names – Totally – ShamWow!
Random – disconnected from the brand – Uh…
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced – Forced like a train wreck
Tame – flat, uninspired, boring – We think so
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it – Does anybody get it?
Hard-to-pronounce – With spit-up in your mouth, yes

TIP: Every time you have to spell, pronounce or explain your name to someone, you are essentially apologizing for it, which weakens and devalues your brand.

As a gesture of goodwill, Shwowp will be awarded a pink and gold Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, from the nice people at Eat My Words. (We’re also happy to give them some free name consulting should they decide to shwowp for a new name.)

Special props go to Robin Wolaner our #1 Name Scout, for sending us this submission. Robin’s always on the hunt for Head Scratchers and is a frequent contributor to our Facebook fan page. She’s also responsible for submitting last year’s winner – Speecees – an unfortunately named baby clothing company.

TIP: your brand name should not rhyme with “feces.”

This year, Robin was awarded a Have a Nice Day bouquet of flowers (because her name always makes us smile) and a genuine Head Scratcher massager, which we just popped in the mail this morning. (Creepy guy not included.)

Please continue to send us bad names for our 2011 Head Scratcher contest. And if you’re naming a business and want to make sure your own brand name doesn’t appear here next year, go here to see if your name sucks.

Wet your whistle with Pee Cola

Thankfully Pee Cola from Ghana is actually cola (and cola colored) and not a Mountain Dew knock off. Best served at room temperature.

Thirst quenching? No. Hilarious? Yes!

Homo Milk. “Every drop delicious.”

A Canadian product named Homo Milk is just WRONG. Equally disturbing is the suggestive photo of the innocent young boy pictured drinking it on the Island Farms website, especially with the provocative tagline, “Every drop delicious.” Are you serious, Canada?

This name makes me want to reach for the barf bag

Advertised on the back of a headrest is “Gold Embryo Corn Oil.” I’m not sure which Chinese airline this was on, but I do know the next time I’m in Shanghai, I won’t eat anything fried. Thanks to Risa Dimacali for sending this in and to her husband who wisely took a photo of it, as surely no one here would believe such a product existed.

Vote for the worst brand name of the year in our catty Headscratcher Contest

Vote for the worst brand name of 2009 in our third annual Headscratcher of the Year contest. Past winners include Xobni and Shryk. How can you tell if a name sucks? It’s hard to spell, pronounce, decipher, meaningless to the audience, void of emotion, a copycat, or just gives you the heebie jeebies. (See the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test for more criteria.)

Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

You would have to be really thirsty to drink this…

A photo submitted from our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick!

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales… and call it COLIN

Thanks to Kitchen Sink fan Igal Gabbay for alerting us to the latest naming disaster from the nitwit Brits…

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales… and call it COLIN
from the salacious tabloid, The Daily Mail
By Sean Poulter
06th April 2009

When the marketing experts at Sainsbury’s sat down to the task of trying to boost sales of pollack, they had a brainwave.

‘Let’s give it a new name,’ they said.

Many months and meetings later, the name was chosen – Colin.

Colin (pronounced Col-an) is what the French, who actually can’t get enough of Britain’s pollack, call the fish once it has been cooked.

It is an interesting choice of name and one which the British shopper may struggle to come to terms with.

Sainsbury’s said the exercise is designed to make British consumers add pollack to their shopping list as an alternative to threatened species such as cod.

There is a feeling that the current name is as ugly as the bug-eyed fish itself, while it seems a number of shoppers are wary about asking for pollack.

Read the entire article here…